The word “math” has a lot of baggage behind it. I find this unfortunate, but I also totally get it. A lot of people have experienced math that was hard, or boring, or didn’t make much sense. A lot of people watched as other students seemed to “get it” effortlessly, while they struggled along. Some people didn’t have great teachers; some people had great teachers and wondered why they still couldn’t understand.

And while there are still plenty of people who love math, or at least don’t dislike it, there are so, so many people for whom the word “math” rings lots of scary bells. But my experience is that when those people are parents, they really, truly want their children to feel differently.

One possible solution is for a parent to think, “I didn’t like math, and so I’ll sneak math in without telling them. That way they won’t be scared off by knowing that they’re doing math.” I think of this as the “hidden vegetables” approach to doing mathematics, akin to adding squash to macaroni and cheese or sneaking zucchini into a chocolate cake. It might get kids to eat their squash and zucchini, but it won’t help them learn to love it. (But seriously, give these recipes a try. Yum!)

So I recommend a completely different approach. Instead of hiding math, showcase it! Let kids know they’re doing math! I don’t mean you should surround every math experience with bells and whistles and confetti, because some kids are going to get suspicious. A lot of young children will find natural pleasure in learning about numbers, identifying shapes, measuring, counting, adding— just as they naturally want to learn language. Build on that natural interest and tell them exactly what they’re doing—they’re doing math! Say, “Do you know what we just did? We did math!” Or even just, “That’s math!” Labeling mathematics for what it is while they are having positive experiences with it will help children develop an early positive association with the word math.

I like this blog to be positive, to tell you what you can or should do rather than what you shouldn’t do. But there is one thing that I warn parents against without hesitation, and that is putting your own fear or dislike of mathematics on display for your children.

Don’t tell your kids, “I’m bad at math,” even if you think you are. Don’t tell your kids, “Math isn’t much fun, but you’ve got to do it,” even though math sometimes does require hard work. That’s true of everything, but somehow the “not fun” label and the “hard” label snap on to mathematics like magnets.

Rather than telling your kids that you aren’t good at mathematics, show them that you are willing to learn this stuff right along with them. Empower your children with a belief that mathematics (like everything) is not a natural ability, but something that they can access through persistence and effort. I believe that hearing that message, early and often, will do far more for your child than any mathematics instruction you give them.