# Taking Turns: From Quizzing to Playing

A lot of doing math with young kids involves asking questions. Sometimes the hard part is knowing what questions to ask and when to ask them, and I hope this blog can provide you with plenty of ideas.

But sometimes I find that the real challenge is taking these questions and turning them into a conversation. I mean, asking questions is a great start to igniting conversation. “What shape is that?” is a lot more likely to give your child reason to interact with you than, “Look! There’s a triangle!” once your child is old enough to meaningfully respond. (Or even before – I ask Monkey questions all the time, and even though the response is often jabber, he’s still learning patterns of conversation, it it feels like I’m now talking with him, not just at him.)

But once you ask a question and get an answer, how to you keep the conversation going? How do you keep it feeling like you’re playing rather than quizzing? How do you keep it interesting and engaging?

One very simple and very versatile tool is to take turns asking questions. This is a fantastic tool because it works with a wide variety of ages, with any mathematical idea (and even with non-mathematical conversations!).

Going back to shapes, imagine three different conversational outcomes of a parent on a walk with their child.

Conversation 1:

Parent: [points at Yield sign] Look! There’s a triangle!

Child: [looks]

Conversation 2:

Parent: [points at Yield sign] What shape is that?

Child: Triangle!

Parent: Good job!* [points at wheel on a car] What shape is this?

Child: Circle!

Parent: How about….that! [points at window on a house]

Child: Square!

etc.

Conversation 3:

Parent: [points at Yield sign] What shape is that?

Child: Triangle!

Parent: Good job! Now you ask me one.

Child: [points at stop sign] What’s that!

Parent: That’s an octagon. Can you say that?

Child: Octagon.

Parent: Good! My turn?

Child: Yeah!

etc.

So what’s better about outcome 3? For one, the child is much more empowered in this conversation. The child can choose the focus of conversation. The child can communicate to the parent more easily what they are interested in or curious about. They might maintain interest longer, because the conversation is a game rather than a quiz. And thinking about what kinds of questions fit in the game involves a much higher level of thinking than just answering the questions that you choose.

Now, kids are totally unpredictable, which means that sometimes this (like any tool) might work fantastically…and sometimes it might not work out so well. Kids don’t always play the game you choose.  And sometimes a kid won’t play by the rules (but sometimes their rules can take you to interesting places). And sometimes a kid will ask you a really hard question, and when this happens it’s not a fail – it’s a total success! What if your child were to ask you about the shape of a tree? What would you say? What if they ask what a million times a gajillion is? Or what number comes before zero? These are great conversation starters, and even if you don’t know an answer, you have an opportunity to model thinking and curiosity and how adults go about figuring out something they don’t know.

What other tools do you use to engage your kids in mathematical conversation?

* P.S. A great question to ask at times like these, although it’s not the purpose of this post, is “How do you know?” Sometimes this might be beyond your child, but go ahead and ask it anyway. See what happens!

Recently the New York Times magazine published an article on the recent history of math education in the U.S., written by Elizabeth Green. It’s a fantastic read for anyone who is at all invested in the education of children (which, of course, includes all parents!). I highly recommend it, and I’m looking forward to reading her new book, Building a Better Teacher.

But the article, while very readable, is also quite long. As a parent, and a parent who loves to read, I still may not have made it through if it wasn’t exactly up my alley. So if you’re looking for something shorter and directly relevant to how you interact with your kids around math, I’d like to point you to Elizabeth Green’s accompanying blog post on the New York Times parenting blog, Motherlode: 5 Ways To Help Your Kid Not Stink At Math. It contains excellent advice, and it’s solid – these are things that really work, no matter what math curriculum your child might be using.

While all 5 of her main points are good, my favorite is the first:

1. Listen to What’s Going Wrong

Teaching children math requires first figuring out what they don’t understand. Instead of getting to the heart of a misunderstanding, we are far more likely to tell children something like, “No, that’s not right, try it this way instead.” The better response to a wrong answer begins with asking the child to explain her thinking.

You’ll hear this from me over and over again, but the very best thing you can do to help your child, whether you’re encouraging a preschooler’s interest in numbers, or helping a high schooler with their math homework, is to make an effort to find out what they’re thinking.

Click over and take a look. And if you have other resources (books, articles – anything!) that have helped you as a parent to help your child with math, please share!

# That’s Math!

The word “math” has a lot of baggage behind it. I find this unfortunate, but I also totally get it. A lot of people have experienced math that was hard, or boring, or didn’t make much sense. A lot of people watched as other students seemed to “get it” effortlessly, while they struggled along. Some people didn’t have great teachers; some people had great teachers and wondered why they still couldn’t understand.

And while there are still plenty of people who love math, or at least don’t dislike it, there are so, so many people for whom the word “math” rings lots of scary bells. But my experience is that when those people are parents, they really, truly want their children to feel differently.

One possible solution is for a parent to think, “I didn’t like math, and so I’ll sneak math in without telling them. That way they won’t be scared off by knowing that they’re doing math.” I think of this as the “hidden vegetables” approach to doing mathematics, akin to adding squash to macaroni and cheese or sneaking zucchini into a chocolate cake. It might get kids to eat their squash and zucchini, but it won’t help them learn to love it. (But seriously, give these recipes a try. Yum!)

So I recommend a completely different approach. Instead of hiding math, showcase it! Let kids know they’re doing math! I don’t mean you should surround every math experience with bells and whistles and confetti, because some kids are going to get suspicious. A lot of young children will find natural pleasure in learning about numbers, identifying shapes, measuring, counting, adding— just as they naturally want to learn language. Build on that natural interest and tell them exactly what they’re doing—they’re doing math! Say, “Do you know what we just did? We did math!” Or even just, “That’s math!” Labeling mathematics for what it is while they are having positive experiences with it will help children develop an early positive association with the word math.

I like this blog to be positive, to tell you what you can or should do rather than what you shouldn’t do. But there is one thing that I warn parents against without hesitation, and that is putting your own fear or dislike of mathematics on display for your children.

Don’t tell your kids, “I’m bad at math,” even if you think you are. Don’t tell your kids, “Math isn’t much fun, but you’ve got to do it,” even though math sometimes does require hard work. That’s true of everything, but somehow the “not fun” label and the “hard” label snap on to mathematics like magnets.

Rather than telling your kids that you aren’t good at mathematics, show them that you are willing to learn this stuff right along with them. Empower your children with a belief that mathematics (like everything) is not a natural ability, but something that they can access through persistence and effort. I believe that hearing that message, early and often, will do far more for your child than any mathematics instruction you give them.